Confessions of a not so seasoned sailor (I think I can call myself a sailor now)

Wow, I cannot believe it has been three months since we started this journey. Some days it feels like we have been living this life forever (Was there any other way?) And sometimes if feels like we just stepped on the boat. We have gone through pretty much every emotion I can tell you that much. This life is not for the faint of heart, it is hard work.

 I was trying to explain it to my mom the other day and it went something like this……Its like you wake up to go to work for the day and grab some milk out of the fridge, go to put it back in …except you notice the fridge is not working. So you take everything out so you can trouble shoot it…but the fridge has water in the bottom from condensation so you have to take everything out first and clean it…ok you figured out the problem and you manage to fix it (temporarily because the part you need has to be shipped and it will take a month) Amazing, ok just going to put a load of laundry in…oh no I don’t have  enough water (I shouldn’t have had that shower last night)…I’ll have to make some more water tonight…crap that’s all my clothes…guess I’m not going to have anything to wear until I figure that out….sigh…ok that’s fine….I’m so late for work…grab your coffee….take a sip as you walk out to the car…oh the milk is off (oh right because the fridge isn’t working) man that sucks, Guess I will get milk next week when I can get to a town that sells it…black coffee it is…go out to the garage….did I forget to close the door last night? Crap a big windstorm came and blew my new tarp away…all good I can patch up the old one in the basement for now…go to start the car …what? Is the battery dead? I must not have had enough solar yesterday to charge it. ok… calling my boss, I can’t come in today……better go figure out what was wrong with the generator so I can get some electricity until the sun comes up….

It does not matter if you have been doing this for four years or three months, we all face the same challenges, we all face the same weather, and we are all human. We make mistakes, we get frustrated, we want to give up at times, we question what the heck we are even doing here. But then you wake up the next day (or if you are me, you are just already awake cause you can’t sleep) and the sun is rising over the vacant island you and some other lucky sailors have anchored up beside and you breathe….you take a minute and feel grateful, grateful to have this opportunity, grateful for your children to have this opportunity (even though there are lots of days they want to throw you off the boat) , Geesh grateful to be alive and free. I don’t know yet if this is the “life” for me, but I do know for sure that I would not have wanted to live my life without this experience. To be able to live a completely different way at 48 is pretty cool. Like you are just going about your life doing all the things you should be, you work at a good job, you own a house, you are working toward your pension etc. and then bam! You just take off and now you are living on a boat in the Caribbean. So, for that I am also grateful. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I missed some very important birthdays, thanksgiving and Halloween but I gained a lot in return. I know that when I return from this adventure, I will have a new lease on life. I will be a better person, a better partner, a better mother, a better daughter. I know this because I feel myself changing. When you are in stuck (and I mean stuck) in a small space with four other people you have to figure out your relationships. You can’t ignore problems, you can’t run away (you can hide under the boat in the water for a bit…but not forever!) , and you can’t overreact (okay you can, but then everyone on your boat and every other boat in the anchorage is now judging you) So…you try to communicate your needs and wants in a more controlled manner, you try and sturdy bridges that may have not been very strong coming in, and you try and be kind everyday. Because you may be one of only four other people that person sees today, and you may be the only person that is kind to them. We all need at least some kindness everyday.  So, if you made it this far (thank you) be kind to someone today, like really kind…so kind that at the end of the day, they feel grateful for you…leave a good soul today. -Carla